chasing yesterday... trying to catch tommorow.

Tommorow is Easter *rolls eyes* yippie yay. Well I never been one for holidays, other than I get to be off for work,and in fact its too the point I'm even forgetting the holidays are here. I didn't even know yesterday was good friday, and valentines day I was in New york and didn't realize it was V day till 10 pm when the bellhop said "happy valentines miss".
I don't even like christmas and thanksgiving, but I think primarily that has to do with those holidays forced me to be with my family and we don't get along at all! (So imagine christmas never getting gifts lol) but on top of observing these "religious" holidays, I figured if I was God I would be pissed, for one jesus christ wasn't even born in december, why would we celebrate the birth of the savior when everything is dying? (Winter time? Damn romans)and his death when everything is coming alive sharing it with an oversized sex crazed rabbit who gives you eggs instead of a chicken. (That's pretty demented a rabbit giving out eggs) and I refuse to acknowledge any holidays that are either masked by brutality (i.e. Thanksgiving,juneteenth,st. Pattys day (I know yall seen the leprechaun movies, and halloween.) nor do I partake in the" just because" holidays like fathers and mothers day, secretaries day, valentines, presidents day, and sadly MLK (they thought give the black ppl their day and they will be happy)plus those are like 365 days, you should appreciate those daily!
So I brought up holidays sharing and my dismay wïth them to enforce the point I'm about to make about life. The way I view holidays is kind of the same way I vie w a lot of things in life. I don't really have high hopes for love in facti think I'm the only person who actually hates love, which ironically I'm a loving person. It makes me think of this Amel Larriuex song where she says "whoever thinks love is overrated must not be getting some", and that is so true. Maybe because I have yet to experience genuine love from people, then my perspective will change.
That's just it, many of our perspectives are based off of painful previous experiences, which ultimately shape our present that can sometimes modify our future. How many times have we as humans thought about our past experiences and allow them to shape our present ones. I know for me my biggest things is doubting what people say. You can tell me all the sweet things in the world but if your actions don't line up, then I'm not believing you anyway. But I realize where that train of thought comes from... My past.
Reflection: I can't fix what happened yesterday, infact I can neither change the outcome or bring it back. I can however harp on the situations and allow me to become bitter or I can learn from them and move on. The most simple principle to swallow is yet the hardest one, which is everybad situation is a good one, because whatever it was, wasn't meant to be (and you don't have to waste the rest of your life figuring that out!)
So to bring it home I have a new outlook on things, what has happened has happened I can't ever get that back, but I can focus on building my future. So now I don't willfully not celebrate holidays because of my past, I either have forgotten about them or just enjoy the day like any other day. I now am accepting to have lost people I love (or rather have them removed)cause when I look back they were dead weight anyway) and as painful as the process was at least I know what love is supposed to be an exhibit all the "right" behaviors to the right people. Its amazing how the past can effect your present and indirectly effect your future. So let it go. :)


Karyn